The Unkeepable & The Unthrowable

There are things in life that fall into this bucket.

You don’t want to keep them because maybe they make you upset, angry or turn you into a monster of emotions that you can’t quite put into words. These things are the black sheep of your history, the scars of your wars, the nightmares that haunt you.

Yet, you can’t throw them away. They don’t quite come in a physical form that you can stuff into a trash bag and dispose of. They are like speckles of dust, small enough to consciously ignore but significant enough to remind you of their existence. They may settle temporarily in the corners of your mind but a little trigger could cloud up your rationality and create a mess. Lingering fragmented bits that you can never rid of.

And I wonder, what do you do with these things?

I had always imagined our minds to be like storage warehouses, filled with boxes of all shapes and sizes. There’s one for work, one for family. One for friends, and one for enemies. One for general knowledge, and one for lyrics. One for faces, and one for voices. There is one that keeps our secrets, and one that keeps our thoughts. Some boxes are carefully sealed, labelled and shoved to the furthest corners of our memories. Some are left open, with their lids lost – or maybe they never had one in the first place. Their contents spill out once in a while and we try with great haste to put them back in. Some boxes are just too small; contents grow so rapidly that we struggle to keep them in place. And sometimes, we just decide to let things swell and grow and flood our space. We’d feel overwhelmed.

What kind of box do we keep the Unkeepable and the Unthrowable? Seal them up, like an artificial vacuum void of air? Perhaps they’d stop unsettling. Mix them up with another box in hope that chaos breeds distraction from remembering? Keep them in layers of boxes so that they will never overflow? Stack them underneath bigger, heavier and more important ones in hope that the weight keeps them buried below?

Or maybe, they don’t even deserve a box in the first place. I still don’t quite know.

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